On Leila's 4th birthday

We woke up that morning, all 3 in my bed, that is Leila, Coline and I, after Leila's first night without a dummy. Before going to bed she said that she would have her dummy a little bit more but that she would not have it after she turned 4. She cried a bit when she woke up at night and said that she would not manage to sleep without it, but she did, with a hug. I am deeply touched by her determination to be strong enough to do without it and her fear of failing. Humility is not something that we get to witness a lot with her lately (if she can't do something it is because we designed it wrong). She kind of liked the present that the "rabbit of the dummies" brought her.

Let us go back to the birthday story. There were lots of pink balloons and pictures of Leila all over the walls and a treasure hunt with present from the whole family, which Leila was all excited to find. Unfortunately I apparently was the only one to wake up in a good mood. I have come to realize over the years that it is in Leila's character to find a way to be disappointed. Today for instance she liked the mosaic puzzle that she got but pointed out that she did not want it because it has 4 colors that are not pink. She also must have enjoyed receiving a B*rbie doll but kept on asking for more presents because the one that she actually wanted was a mermaid. I feel sorry for her when this happens because I realize that she is not trying to be annoying, she is annoyed or disappointed. I wish that she could see the positive side of things instead of the not so perfect detail (she may have a wonderful day at the park but if we ask about it she will simply answer that she fell and hurt her knee on the slide). I hope that she will learn to make the best of whatever comes and be a happier, content and grateful person.

I wished that the rest of the family (my side of the family) were there to celebrate with us. As a compensation, whereas I made presents for her, I bought one present from each member of our close family and gave Leila a picture with a clue for her to find the present from the person on the picture. I liked that game and I think she did too. We often refer to presents and hand-me-downs as "the one that xxx gave you" and I enjoy us mentioning the person, just like we refer to our favorite coffee shop as "Natasha's cafe" and remember that she was among us and enjoyed coffee there, even though it was a long time ago.

Leila shared a cake with her schoolmates (where I did not go so as to avoid the usual change of mood that occurs when I am around). I was close to burn out before lunch time as I was trying to make the !#$@ icing for the cake and had not found a minute in a morning filled with teething Coline, ballet class, teaching french class, vet for the cat and the other daily activities, but with the help of Cristiano and Silvia the cake was made and the oranges juiced and today for the first time in a long time Leila happily went to school. Obviously being dressed as a ballerina helped (did I mention that her school uniform is not pink?). Then after school we had more cake with daddy and our neighbor "vovo". In-between there were moments of play and laugh with Coline, painting, pampering herself and eating dark chocolate, which are among the things that Leila likes the most these days. I was looking forward to writing this all down with the hope that it will help me remember the day that my dear Leila turned 4. So big already and yet so small.